Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Seasonal Changes!

To all my family and friends I find myself coming back to my blog when I am unsure of things.  Don't get me wrong God is the first place I turn. He is and has always been my ROCK.  I have alway found what used to be journaling and is now blogging theraputic and even if noone out there ever reads this at least I in someway may feel better.

We all know that there are changes in life.  Some we love, some are unexpected and some we just flat out hate.  I remember growing up all I ever wanted to be was a wife and mommy.  I wanted to go to nursing school but I really wanted to be a mommy.  I couldn't wait for that experience.  I hated high school, I just never really felt like I fitted in anywhere.  I didn't play sports, wasn't a cheerleader and wasn't a brain so I never felt like there was a place for me.  My plans throughout high school were to graduate as quickly as possible and go to nursing school.  One day all of that changed, I'm sure it was more of a proccess of a few months, but still. 

In May 1995 I met the guy, the guy that would be my husband and father to my boys.  This was the summer before my senior year and all I could think about over then next year was to get done so that we could get married. (Seriously what was the rush, not that I don't love him with all my heart)  I did graduate high school in May of 1996 and we were married the following September.  We welcomed our first son 10 months later and his little brother in May 2000.  I threw all my plans of going to nursing school out the window with no regrets.  I was a mommy and that was enough for me.  I was what I wanted to be a wife and mommy and I love it.  I worked in a daycare when the boys were little and then opened a home daycare when it was determined that Elijah's immune system wasn't able to tolerate being in a daycare center setting.  I love every child that set foot in our home and cared to them as though they belonged to us.  In March 2005 out of the blue a friend called and offered me a job.  Monday-Friday 9-5, decent pay, close to home and they would be very understanding to my family and if I needed any time off.  My children were both old enough for public school and they thrived.  I took the job and that is where I have been ever since.  I loved my job and I know more than anything that God laid that job in my lap. 

Over the past five years as with anything my job has had it's ups and downs.  This position was an elected position and there was the political side to it.  That is the part that I hated but was able to tolerate, that is until this past April.  There was an entire new Town Council with the exception on one voted in.  Oh me, oh my.  Although the Council acted like they were doing what was best for our Town they certainly were not.  If you have every worked in government/politics you know that there rules and laws that you are to abide by.  Apparently someone forgot to tell these people that.  I did my best to work with them and to do that while not stepping outside of my job/legal scope.  When it came to the point where I did have to stand up to them my work environment was turned into a place that was hostile and I finally turned in my resignation.  That was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do and I did not do that without much prayer.  I took a weeks vacation and prayed that God would show me what I needed to do and it became evident that I could not go back there.  I turned in my resignation and 2 weeks notice when I was on vacation and was basically told that they did not want me there anymore because I was an outsider and that they would pay me for the full 2 weeks as long as I resigned immediately.  That was 3 weeks ago and I still can't decide what I need to do.  I have been offered a couple of part-time jobs but they just haven't felt right.  I continue to work for both of the doctors that I have worked for from home for the past 3 years.  I just don't want to step out of God's will for my life.  I want to do whatever it is that he would have me to do.  If that is to continue to stay home and work from here, find a new job or to go back to school I am find with any of that.  I just want him to reveal that to me.  I hate hanging in limbo but I am so grateful to him for getting me out of the horrid situation that I had been working in for so many months.  God is so big, so awesome and I thank him for everything that he has done for me in my life.  I know beyond anything that he will take care of us.