Friday, October 31, 2008

Isn't she cute! This little stuff dog means more to me than I can honestly explain. Today she is sitting on my desk here at work, last night I had her on my night stand. My real dog "Shadow" doesn't really know what to think of her, he just sits and stares. I want to give everyone the story behind her. First of all if you try to look her up on the internet her name is Pico we call her Periwinkle, yes she has a name. When my grandma was sick and in the hospital she was always asking about her dog "a little chichuahua named Periwinkle" and her chickens, so my sister found this little critter down in the gift shop and took her to grandma. Grandma sat there with the puppy on her tummy. It was really funny to she her with her there. Grandma wasn't big lady but she had this big tummy and she kept this little guy sitting on ther tummy, I guess so she could see him. After grandma went to be with Jesus they decided to bury Periwinkle (the stuffed Periwinkle) with her. I went with mom and her brother and sisters to the funeral home to make the arangements and I carried this little puppy around the entire time we were there. It was hard for me to leave him there, I don't understand why I just know it was. I told my sister that I wanted to find another one of them to be able to keep and she told me she wanted one too. So last week when I made my weekly Wal-Mart trip I stopped by the hospital to get them. They had 3 of them and I bought them all. People at the counter kept commenting on them and I couldn't bring myself to say anything. It is honestly bittersweet. So I decided last night I needed to get these out and give them to my Mom and my Sister. I asked my Sister if she thought that I should because I really didn't want to make anything harder from Mom. She told me to give it to her and make her promise not to cry when I did. Not, I cried when I bought them. I told mom that I had bought something for her but I didn't want to make her sad or bring her anymore pain. She told me nothing was going to make it worse than it already is. So I pulled Periwinkle out to her bag. Lets just say lots of tears were shed by all included. I honestly wish that I could take that moment back cause I am not so sure I would have given it to her. I also know that she would have eventually seen her at my house and it would have been the same thing, so who knows what I should have done. This littel puppy brings me some kind of comfort, I don't know why and I don't understand it but it does. I just hate seeing my Mom hurt and upset and I upset her last night. I know that her pain is still there and that she just keeps it bottle up so that we don't see it and that hurts because I just want to help her, I want to make her pain cease. I know I can't because I cannot imagine what she is going through. I know that only God and time can make this better. Please remember my Mom and all of her brothers and sisters in your prayers as I am sure that they are all struggling also. My love to you all.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008


After a long 3 weeks and 5 days of fighting for her life grandma was just so tired so she went to be with Jesus this morning at 3:25 a.m. As hard as this is and is going to be my grandma is not in any pain or distress anymore. In the past almost 4 weeks she has been through so much. She has had several surgeries, possible heart attacks, stroke and her heart even stopped at one point. I ask my cousin/brother Mike this morning if this was all going to end this way why did we, why did she have to go through all of this. His response and a very wise one I must admit was we all got to come down and see her again and some needed this time to prepare. So please remember my Mom, her siblings, the grandkids and great-grandkids. My boys have never lost anyone close to them and my husbands grandma died 2 weeks ago today and now we have lost grandma. I just keep reminding them that we will one day see her again, that this is not the end. I just pray that they come through this okay as our youngest has already been having nightmares since Donnie's granmother died. God Bless!